I am participating in a course on feminine power
where we are exploring the old patterns that keep us from breaking through the glass ceilings of our lives.
Finding those places were some old tape keeps us playing small, or keeps us from creating the relationships and life that we yearn for.
Yesterday I had an opportunity
to experience one of my old tapes in action.
An event triggered the play button and
all perceiving began to happen through the lens of something that happen long ago, which gave the moments a dreamlike or movie quality.
I had a full body reaction.
Heart pounding and then...
disassociation from the body, limp and unmoving.
Like someone had pushed the "power off" button of my life force.
My normal way of dealing with that would be to put on a mask to those around me and pretend that I was having no reaction at all, and will myself into acting normal.
Then I would run away as fast as I could as to freak out in private.
But that way of handling it is
exactly what perpetuates it's existence and power.
This time I took the opportunity to say out loud that I was having a reaction.
That I needed time and space to track and stay present with what was happening in my body.
I knew that what was presenting itself was of the utmost importance.
The literal key to unlocking the cell in which I had locked myself in order to feel safe.
not to actually BE safe, but to feel safe.
By being compassionate with myself and to allowing my beloved to witness and be there for me in love and support,
I feel like I took a step to unraveling the pattern forever.
What would it be like to live a life without reactions that make us want to run and hide?
What are we really afraid of, or ashamed of?
Here's to liberation and
Safety in freedom.
The door is Open
with so much love
There are days when no matter how much space
I make for inspiration to show up,
it just doesn't.
That is when I "chop wood and carry water".
In the studio this usually means grinding beads.
For me, the creation of a bead is a meditation.
I have hand cut,
one at a time,
tens of thousands of beads
over the last 20 years.
That is A LOT of beads.
Today, I am blessed with studio angels, and
they do a large part of the bead creation. Whew!
But when I go back to this basic meditative practice,
the world rights itself.
The pressure that keeps inspiration at bay magically disappears,
and all that is alive now and life serving,
returns to flow.
The door is Open
Namibian Blue Chalcedony
It woke me numerous times last night, gusting powerfully, buffeting the house.
When you wake up often in the night, the space between dream and waking dream is less defined, the border of one tiptoes quietly into the land of the other, and perspective is shifted.
The result is waking up in a world less solid, it's dream quality more tangible. The recollection of how to create life as we wish closer at hand.
The understanding that, we make all our choices on what comes next in this waking dream, with our vibration now.
How are you choosing to feel right now?
When we have an emotion it moves through the body rather quickly, it is the authentic reaction of our conditioning, culturization and beliefs.
Then we start thinking about what ever we had the emotion about, and continue to produce feelings about it, that is when we have the opportunity to set ourselves free and dream the dream we want to dream.
The door is Open
Pieces In Progress for the Roundtable
What is a roundtable?
I have had so many people curious about this event,
I thought I would elaborate.
Quite honestly it is constantly evolving...
If you participated in the first one, I can say this....
This one is different.
Different array of cuts, different way of presenting them, and a different price range.
I will also say...
-We will be looking at stones... probably the largest array of stones from every part of the globe that you have ever experienced in one sitting.
-There is something about each one of these stones that sets it apart. It's amazing clarity or color, an interesting formation, or a unique attribute.
-There is no cost to attend.
It is three hours. Kind of like going to dinner at a friends house except we will be feasting on gems and light snacks.
-Everyone participates with each other. If you are a little shy about this, ok... this is a safe place to shine, let your brilliance be your guide. And quite honestly the people how show up in this studio are some of the coolest, most lovely people you would ever want to meet.
-As always with the stones and I, the number one aim is to have fun and enjoy each other. Sometimes this means stepping slightly out of the comfort zone... where ALL the GREAT things in life happen.
Friday June 7th
5:30pm - 8:30pm
There is a seat for you,
Agate Drusy Heart with Bee friend
Empathy, Compassion and Detachment.
Noticing the Navigation in these states of being.
Noticing the initial reactions to situations and people.
Noticing any judgment of those initial thoughts or feelings.
Noticing how these states move through each other with grace.
I notice when I experience the life challenges of friends and loved ones,
There is a deep moment of pure empathy.
And then, often rather quickly, a state of detachment.
I have often judged and not trusted this innate body intelligence.
Thinking that perhaps I am insulating, or being callous.
I have even entertained that something happened to me as a child developmentally.
But when I come back to center, I realize that detachment to me is compassion in action.
Webster's definition of compassion is a feeling of deep sympathy or sorrow (empathic response) for another with a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
This desire to alleviate the suffering can only truly be achieved by surrender to what IS.
When we accept that what is, IS,
suffering can't exist.
It only lives in the thought "if this were different".
As I step into this place of acceptance, wether it is of my development as a child or my judgement as an adult, compassion floods my being.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Compassion in detachment.
Not from the people,
but from ALL that is NOT what IS.
The door is open
Ever feel your internal space is filled with weeds?
Not suprising that I would relate to this analogy.
Since moving into our new home,
weeds are something I have become quite familiar with,
and I have spent a lot of time plucking.
As I sit outside
rooting out the octopus arms of oxalis,
my mind wanders....
I am often surprised by what surfaces,
and even more surprised by the avalanche of internal dialog.
It has led to some profound moments of introspection
and a deep desire to weed the internal space.
Being quiet in nature with a few stone helpers,
is a way I cultivate this inner garden.
Releasing old patterns and wounds,
letting go of invasive thoughts.
It is time to schedule some retreat time...
How about you?
The door is open
Home sweet Home.
The Uhaul has landed,
The nest has arrived back in Santa Barbara!
So excited to see how this informs the work with the stones
and the offerings planned for the rest 2013!
What would you like to see more of?
The door is open
Crazy Lace Agate
I will be giving a slide presentation
"The Amazing Magical Mineral Kingdom"
Thursday, April 25th
Doors open at 7pm
9 Presentations starting at 7:45pm.
Lights out by 10pm.
facebook page info
University Club, 1332 SB Street
(between Victoria & Sola)
Ben Werner + Faye Cox: A look at Monetary Ecology
Stephen Pope: What our prisoners need
Enrique Kreuter: Is Paris burning? A
Lorrie Thomas Ross: MarkEDing - the future of marketing
Maureen Maloney: The American Tall Ship Institute
Penny Little: Little Savage™ - an expose on art, life and creativity
Luc Maes: The story of the Baobab Tree
Dawn O'Bar: Solar lighting around the world
Maile Ellington: Exploring humanity's fascination with stones
to see you there
PKN Santa Barbara is on the last Thursday of a month, 4 times a year (Jan/April/July/September).