I am participating in a course on feminine power
where we are exploring the old patterns that keep us from breaking through the glass ceilings of our lives.
Finding those places were some old tape keeps us playing small, or keeps us from creating the relationships and life that we yearn for.
Yesterday I had an opportunity
to experience one of my old tapes in action.
An event triggered the play button and
all perceiving began to happen through the lens of something that happen long ago, which gave the moments a dreamlike or movie quality.
I had a full body reaction.
Heart pounding and then...
disassociation from the body, limp and unmoving.
Like someone had pushed the "power off" button of my life force.
My normal way of dealing with that would be to put on a mask to those around me and pretend that I was having no reaction at all, and will myself into acting normal.
Then I would run away as fast as I could as to freak out in private.
But that way of handling it is
exactly what perpetuates it's existence and power.
This time I took the opportunity to say out loud that I was having a reaction.
That I needed time and space to track and stay present with what was happening in my body.
I knew that what was presenting itself was of the utmost importance.
The literal key to unlocking the cell in which I had locked myself in order to feel safe.
not to actually BE safe, but to feel safe.
By being compassionate with myself and to allowing my beloved to witness and be there for me in love and support,
I feel like I took a step to unraveling the pattern forever.
What would it be like to live a life without reactions that make us want to run and hide?
What are we really afraid of, or ashamed of?
Here's to liberation and
Safety in freedom.
The door is Open
with so much love